Relationships are hard work, even in the best circumstances. Often times when things get tough or your relationship hits a rough patch, it’s easy to look at your partner as the source of the problems in the relationship. Analyzing reasons why your relationship issues are your partner’s problem is much easier than looking into yourself to determine why things might be getting tough. However, sometimes asking yourself hard, important questions about your own attitude and motivations in the relationship is the first step to putting things back together.
Are you trying to make it work?
Being honest with yourself about if you are really trying to make the relationship work is important to figuring out if you should stay in the relationship or not. Sometimes it’s easy to think that we are doing everything we can and the other person just isn’t cooperating, but if you are subconsciously checked out of the relationship, then it’s possible you aren’t trying to make it work intentionally.
How often do you let outside factors influence your relationship?
In today’s busy world, sometimes it’s not you and your partner at all that are creating tension, but the outside world. With work, kids, friends, activities, and household chores all piling up and needing your attention, it’s no wonder that we let our frustration loose on the person we are most comfortable with, our partner. Be truthful with yourself about how much you’re allowing outside factors affect interaction with your partner and then remove those factors or simply be aware of how they impact your mood.
What are your anger triggers?
We all have things that trigger anger within us. If you are aware of what those things are, you can remove yourself from situations where those things may occur. If one of your anger triggers comes from something your partner does, then you should sit down with them and discuss it. If you can’t come to an agreement on how to handle the situation, then perhaps it is time to move on.
Are you in the relationship for the right reasons?
Ask yourself why you are really in the relationship. The answer may surprise you. Are you in the relationship because you feel as though you make each other the best version of yourselves, or are you in it because you are afraid of being alone? Perhaps you are in it for financial or other surface-level reasons. Either way, you need to make sure you are in the relationship for the right reasons before you make decisions about how to proceed. If you are giving as much as you are getting from the relationship and vice versa, then chances are you are in it for the right reasons.
Answering these questions honestly can help you start to see why things in your relationship have taken a wrong turn. Looking into yourself and being open and honest with your partner about how you feel can help you either repair what’s broken or move on from the relationship knowing that you are doing it for the right reasons.