Learn How to Overcome Shyness

It does not matter if you are an introvert or an extravert we all can relate to feeling shy during some point of our lives. Most people believe that it is only introverted persons that experience shyness this is totally not true. Shyness in basic terms is an uncomfortable self-awareness that happens in the company of strange people.

What makes us shy?

Research has shown that shyness is caused by three factors these are which when combined produces shyness.  First is an excessive evaluation of self, secondly you view your self negatively and finally you are preoccupied with your self. When these three factors are combined, shyness occurs. This happens mainly during social events and around strange people.

 So what is it that causes us to experience shyness?

We have all experienced shyness at some point in life to a certain degree but the root cause really boils down to the following:

Weak self image, overly occupied with self, and labelling.  All of these negatives may have happened at some point during life situations and experiences that you have not come to closure with.  These produce the negative emotion that is shyness.

So how does one overcome shyness?

One of the main ways of battling shyness is to increases awareness.  This means you need to take into control your experience of shyness.

Fist step in overcoming your shyness is to understand it.

Every one has a unique type of shyness that is triggered by certain events, settings and situations.  You need to find out what exactly is causing your trigger and what it is that you are concerned about. 

Transforming self consciousness into Self Awareness

Tell yourself that the world is not watching you.  The truth is, most people are too busy looking at themselves instead of focusing on you.  As if you are looking at others, draw that awareness inwards. Find the understanding of what is it that makes you shy. Look inside yourself and observe the presence of your thoughts. Truly self-awareness is the first step in improving ones life.

Find what makes you strong

We all have something that we are strong at such as different qualities and the way in which we express ourselves. Locate these strengths and accept them even when they are not viewed in a traditional sense. After all, if the entire world was the same every thing would be overly boring.

Love yourself

Self appreciation is one of the best ways of overcoming shyness.  Learn to love the unique expression that is you. Take some time and pen a love letter to yourself.  Take some time to go out and do the things that you really enjoy.  Be thankful for your health; spend some time to get to know yourself.

Be none conforming

Never try to be someone else. This is extremely exhausting and no fun at all. Know that it is alright to be different.  The truth is, people who are popular experience the same emotions, insecurities, self consciousness and feelings of awkwardness.

Place your focus on other individuals

Instead of focusing on what makes you awkward, listen to what other have to say during social gatherings.  Spend the time and learn about others.  Get to know and understand what they have to say though conversation.

Reduce your anxiety through controlled breathing

Fear and anxiety have a way of overwhelming you.  One way to controlling these negative emotions are though becoming more assertive. You can control your anxiety by channelling it into smaller pieces and assimilating it slowly.  This is done through controlled breathing. Slowly inhale and exhale as you clear the triggering thoughts.

Reduce anxiety through movement

Physical movement is one of the best ways to release pent up energies.  Walking and jogging will help to clear the mind of situations that create anxiety.  This renewed mind state will allow you to see things better.


Words are very powerful and used in the right context they can change reality.  The unconscious mind takes cues what the conscious mind hears and drives the being according. Spend time reaffirming positive words and over time you will begin to experience a change on how you view life which will impact your shyness.

Never run away from what it is that is making you uncomfortable

When you leave a setting or situation that is making you shy you are basically reinforcing that negative aspect of yourself and making it stronger. Turn these fearful situations into a period where you become the observer and dig into your psyche to find out what it is that is making you react in this way.

Be accepting of rejection.

Rejection is a natural part of life.  You must learn how to cope with this rejection and learn how to never take it personally.  Every one will be rejected at some point in time.  It’s just a part of the learning process of life. The key is to handle the rejection by never taking it personally, look for the lesson in the situation and move on.

Do away with perfectionism

Most people who compare themselves to others tend to compare themselves with the most popular person in a social setting or with the celebrities on TV. This in turn causes them to place excessive expectations of themselves thus causing them to ask the question why can’t I be like the other person.  Do away with this perfectionism.

Finally practice your social skills

Practise makes perfect, like any other skill you may have, you should practice your social skills. Spend time putting yourself out there meeting and greeting others. If you’re not sure what to say, ask a fried to help you before hand for such social events.

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